^^ why is it so hard for me to deal with that sometimes?
The past oh, month or so, has been kind of a downer. I've refrained from TOO much complaining on here (you're welcome for sparing you LOL) But lately it just seems nothing has gone my way.
As you know we're trying to make a baby- you guys know how that's going. But this month I've really just tried to not think about it as much as possible. I'm not counting up days or anything like that. The last 2 months or so I've been taking my temperature in the morning just to make sure I was indeed ovulating like I'm supposed to (and I am) so I forgot all that stuff. I honestly have no idea without going back and counting what day I'm on or anything like that. And I hope to keep it that way. I keep praying that God will 1-bless us with a child and 2-give me patience.
We're also still moving forward on the house-hunting thing- It's already had it's share of disappointments. Houses that need too much work or won't pass inspection for our USDA loan. And we had one house we really liked that literally got bid on the next morning at full price before we even had a chance to get to the bank!
And then there's the lovely job-market. The county I live in is supposedly having 80-some teachers retire. Well apparently that's not enough to get me a job. I have had three different interviews this summer. One for a gifted position (same as I did my long-term last semester)- I didn't get that job, someone with "contract teaching experience" beat me to it-- even though I did the job for 5 months last school year. I had a second interview for a 5th grade position at a school I sub at a lot (and really like). Didn't get that one, an "experienced 5th grade teacher" was hired. And then I had an interview for a Technology Integration Specialist, which was a grant-funded job that was only a 1-year contract (BUT, it's a lot easier to get a job with a contract as opposed to a sub for the next year), and I didn't get that one either. I know who got that job and he's not any more qualified than I am, and I might even have more subbing experience. But he's a HE and that works in your favor when you go to work for a school system. Ugh. So yeah, it's been disappointing to say the least. I'm honestly not sure what is worse-- not getting interviews at all, or getting them, have them go really well, and then have to read rejection email after rejection email.
So yeah that's where I've been lately. Prayers for encouragement are much appreciated.
I do have to say though, God's been merciful enough to give me a couple "breaks". I got a phone call from a principal at a school I sub at and I am going to be able to start off the year in a long-term job teaching first grade for a teacher on maternity leave. AND we are going to look at a house tonight and two tomorrow, all of which are supposedly move-in ready. I can't really speak on the baby situation just yet.
Things are starting to look up again, but I still struggle with just giving it to God and dealing with the fact that all these things are going to be on His time, not mine. I'm a planner. And I like to be in control (or at least think I am) of situations in my life. But I know I'm ultimately not in control. I know God is going to work things out for what is best for me. He has plenty of times before! It's just hard to not stress or worry over it, and be impatient.
And I can't forget to be grateful for what I do have. An awesome husband, wonderful family, great friends. I have A job, even if it's not a steady one... and we have a place to live, and I'm so thankful for all of that!
I just need to trust Him....
"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose" ~ Romans 8:28