Loss

Hey everyone. I've been away from my blog for a while (sorry).

So here is the reason why...  I found out on April 21 that I was pregnant with baby number two. Finally after eleven months of not preventing (about six of those months were really trying), we finally were going to have another baby!  

But then, just after we told our families, at 6.5 weeks pregnant, I miscarried.  We were sad of course and so so disappointed.

Here is a video that I recorded shortly afterwards telling the whole story from the beginning, and my feelings, thoughts, and how we are/were doing...

And here is an update after my follow up appointment...

So now we are back to square one on TTC again. I actually just started a new cycle yesterday. So prayers for patience on our parts and prayers that we get pregnant again quickly (this time with a healthy baby!) are much appreciated!

I'll be back soon with another update. Until then...

First (real) post of 2015 (I know it's about time!)

Well it's been a while since I last posted so I'm back with a little update of what's been going on....

First of all I did make a Christmas post and Valentine's post (but I past-dated it...is that a word? well it is now!) so I'm actually going to cover from Jackson's birthday (Nov 20) til now (Feb 16)

So Jackson is doing fabulous!  Since he turned two we moved him out of his crib (which let's be honest he never slept in it more than 4hrs a night-- most of the time was spent in our bed) and into a twin bed, or his "new bed" as he calls it.  He's been sleeping much better in it and seems to like it (although he does find his way into our bed by 4am or so)  Another "big" thing for him is that he is weaning!  Or rather, I'm weaning him.  In the past month he has gone from nursing 3-5 times in a 24 hour period to ONE time.  Bedtime.  Hurray!  So now that he is night weaned he does sleep better through the night and I'm sleeping better too.  He didn't do this on his own, I definitely encouraged it because I was ready.  Now we are down to just bedtime and are kind of chilling out here for a bit.  I'm going to wait and see what happens over the next month or so- and if he doesn't give it up on his own then I'll initiate it.  The whole thing has been definitely bittersweet.  My goal is to have him 100% done by the time he turns 2 and a half and I'm confident we will reach that goal.  In other Jackson news... we've looked into some 2-year-old preschool programs in the area and I think we have decided on one.  I know, 2 seems young to be sending him to school BUT first of all... it's more for social reasons that I'm sending him.  I can teach him shapes, colors, letters, and numbers at home (heck he already knows most of them!).  But I want to give him the opportunity to spend time with other kiddos his age and to be away from Mommy & Daddy and grandma.  Plus with his late Fall birthday he will be older than most of his peers in the same grade so I think it'll be good for him.

In sad news... on December 16 I lost my grandma.  She went into the hospital here right before Thanksgiving, we almost lost her then, but then she improved somewhat, they discovered she had a rare genetic blood disorder (that likely has contributed to her health issues her whole life), they transferred her to Ohio State Hospital to start this new treatment-- but unfortunately her organs had just been too badly damaged and she couldn't fight any longer.  While I know she is in heaven, I still miss her sooo much.  Then just a week ago my husband lost HIS grandmother.  Although she had health issues (has had multiple strokes, including bleeding strokes) this was a very sudden thing as she had a brain bleed into her brain stem.  We will really miss her a lot too.  Between my husband and I we only have one grandparent left.  My grandpa (husband of my grandma we just lost), and thankfully he is in excellent health- though I'm sure losing your wife of 59 and a half years will take its toll.  But I'm glad to still have "Papaw Tom" as Jackson calls him, in our life.  I told my husband I really hope we are DONE with funerals for a long while!

As far as anything else goes... we've still been trying for baby #2 (with no luck just yet).  It's been a while now, we haven't prevented pregnancy since April of 2014.  It took us a year with Jackson though so I'm figuring on it taking a while longer.  We will see, I'm not the most patient person!

Well Jackson just woke up from his nap so duty calls.  (We are home enjoying a snowday today!)  I'll write again soon :)

Reflecting on 2013 and looking to 2014...

I can't believe 2013 is almost over...

This was the first year that I was "mommy" the whole year.  Last new year's Jackson was just 6 weeks old, and throughout the year I've enjoyed watching him grow and learn- hitting his milestones and developing his little personality. 

New Year's Day 2013- and 6 weeks old!

We celebrated Jackson's "first" holidays of Valentine's Day, Easter, 4th of July, and Halloween.  We went on our first family vacation as a family of three (with my parents and brother also) to the beach.  And I planned for and we celebrated Jackson's first birthday!

Valentine's Day 2013

 

Easter 2013

4th of July 2013

Halloween 2013

Those are just some of the highlights-- we had a couple "bumps" this year, first of all being that our bad financial decisions caught up with us!  We had to make some big cuts and learn how to budget our money better.  We are still learning but things are looking better.  We also muddled our way through our first year of parenthood and came out on the other side no worse for the wear! 

My little goofball just before his first birthday

This year I do have a few "resolutions" (or goals) for the next year.  I split them into a few different categories, and I hope that I can stick to them- at least I'm going to try as hard as I can!

Personal 

• Pray more - use my notes on my iphone to keep my prayers organzied but I do need to do this more often!
• Read more- it's been soooo long since I've been able to start and finish a book that I just wanted to read for fun.  I'm talking since before Jackson was born, maybe even before I was pregnant!  I have several ebooks on my Kindle I haven't read yet so I want to get into those.  I also want to read the bible more as well.
• Be more disciplined about picking up after myself/cleaning house-  Seriously I'm horrible at this.  Here's what happens as far as my household chores go... I let them slide, I only do the bare minimum on a daily basis, then I'm left with an entire day packed full of cleaning... as in 6 loads of laundry, clean clothes piled up, dishes overtaking the sink, clutter on the floor, countertops covered, etc.  I know if I just MAKE myself put things away when I'm done with them, that I'll have half as much cleaning to do when I do "deep clean".  This is going to be a hard one for me but I'm trying to make it a goal to load the dishwasher, pick up Jackson's toys, and work on something laundry related (whether it's washing/drying a load or putting clothes away) every day.  

Family

• Spend more time alone with my husband- we have been on TWO dates since I had Jackson.  That's two times we went out and did something together without him.  Usually if we go out to eat or something we just bring him because he is such a good baby going out and such and it's easier than getting a babysitter.  But as much as we love our little guy I know it's important for us to get time with just each other.  So I'm setting a goal to have at least one "date night/day" a month.  I know financially we will have to have several date nights in but instead of putting Jackson to bed and doing our own thing (which is what we usually do, and nothing wrong with that- we both enjoy our "me" time too) but on a date night in we will have a late dinner together, play a card game, or SOMETHING to just talk and reconnect.  
• Sleep train Jackson-  As of now and pretty much since he was 5 months old Jackson sleeps anywhere from 2-5 hours in his crib until he first wakes, then he sleeps the rest of the night with us.  It really has worked out well, we all get enough sleep this way and Jackson has never had to "cry it out" as it has been often suggested to me that he does.  It hasn't hurt our marriage or "alone" time or any of that-- basically this arrangement works and has been working so we haven't been motivated to change it.  BUT sometime this year we hope to conceive baby #2 and two things I would like to happen before I get pregnant (or as close to as possible) is that I would like Jackson to be weaned and sleeping in his own room all night.  It won't be good for his sleep if he's in bed with us with a newborn waking up every two hours and I also don't think that tandem nursing is for me.  Jackson has cut down on frequency of breastfeeding so I don't think weaning will be a problem.  As for sleeping in his room all night, I know that it is probably going to involve a good deal of crying at first but I am ok with that now that he is older.  I believe he understands that we aren't abandoning him or anything.  And he is ABLE to fall asleep on his own at the beginning of the night, so I know he CAN put himself back to sleep too.  I'm not necessarily going to night wean, at least right away, but I think if I can get him sleeping in his room through the night that he will naturally night wean.  He only nurses at night now because he falls asleep fastest like that (so for comfort) and because for the second half of the night I'm right there and he has easy access.  We have been putting it off for a while now because of my own laziness.  It's just EASIER to get him, nurse him, and have him in our bed the rest of the night.  I'm setting a "deadline" though for myself to start this process before he turns 18mo.  So by May 1 we need to get this ball rolling (if not before!)
• Stop preventing pregnancy-  Sometime this year :)

Financial

• Get our emergency fund together (and check off that first Baby Step!)
• Start our debt snowball (this will be possible after we get our tax return)
• Sell one of our vehicles- things have worked out so that we CAN still keep the Jeep and save some money each month, that said we technically have three cars right now (though one is still being worked on) so we obviously don't need three.  We are hoping to either sell the Jeep and get out of the payment OR sell our other car and use the cash for our debt snowball.  We will probably list both here in another month or so and see what goes quickest!
• Pray about my job situation-  I am going to be applying for full time teaching positions this year again.  We are also considering me possibly going back to subbing (as much as I HATE to) because I was making more money subbing than I am teaching preschool right now.  So I don't have any specific goals here but I wanted to spend more time praying about it- praying that if it's God's will that I will get a contracted position (which even though I'd rather not work full time it would be a huge financial blessing to us and we would be able to get out of debt MUCH faster), and if not then that I am able to make the right call as to whether I should go back to subbing or continue teaching where I am now.

 

  Whew! ok yeah so that is quite a bit but hopefully it's not too much!  As always I'll keep updating on everything on here! :)

Happy New Year everyone!!!

Family Update!

Whooo ok so I thought it was high time for a general family update!

Lots of different stuff so... the bulleted list!

• JOBS-  Ok I'm not sure if I mentioned this on here yet... but I do have a regular part-time teaching job now!  I'm teaching the three and four year old preschool classes at our church.  Pay is less than what I would make subbing regularly but it's STEADY work and I finally get to have my own classroom.  So yay!  Hubby still has his job with the medical supply company and it's going ok.  They've cut overtime and hired a 4th driver so he isn't making as much overtime as he was before (which we unfortunately had come to count on) so that hurts a bit BUT on the flip side it's nice having him home more.  He is always on the lookout for other opportunities though.  AND also I will be starting this Tuesday evening tutoring a 5th grade boy once a week.  I know him from subbing at his school so I think it will be great for both of us.  It'll be a little extra income too and I don't have to be away from my baby that much more (only an hour each week)
  
• FINANCES & WORKING TO BECOME DEBT FREE-  hoookay so I think I mentioned this once but we are doing Dave Ramsay's steps to financial freedom.  We haven't even gotten the first baby step BUT are working toward it.  We are currently trying to sell our Jeep.  Unfortunately at the moment it has been listed for a month and STILL hasn't sold.  We've dropped our price by $500 and still nothing.  So next week we are gonna offer bottom line (what we owe) on it and pray someone takes it!  If not then we are gonna have to figure out what else we can do to get our monthly payment down enough we can have some money left over after bills to actually save.  (We're exploring things like refinancing our current loan for a lower interest rate, possibly trading the Jeep on another vehicle and trying to get the payment down where we need it and then selling our Malibu, or even trading both the Jeep and Malibu for something...)  Anyway prayers in this matter for us are greatly appreciated!!!  I'm really anxious to "get the ball rolling" on our debt snowball so we can be DONE with debt, especially credit card debt!
  
• JACKSON'S FIRST BIRTHDAY is coming wayyy too soon for this mama!  I have started to plan his party though.  I'm going to be doing a couple YouTube vids about it (if I can find the time), but we have decided on a theme (Little Monsters), venue (we are cramming our family and close friends in our house), and date (the 23rd, Saturday after his birthday).  I'm planning on making the smash cake & cupcakes (note- PLANNING... will have to do a trial run beforehand) and doing $5 pizzas and finger foods.  Hoping to keep it low budget (after all, he doesn't really care-- it's basically for me lol!)  I have a board on Pinterest you can follow if you'd like to see my inspirations!
  
• FALL IS HERE!  My favorite season by far!  We are hoping to get away on a little weekend camping trip, either with my brother & his family or just the three of us at some point, just depends on money (blah).  Then we will have Jackson's first Halloween.  I am planning on taking him out in his costume with my nieces (though we won't be asking for any candy ;)).  Then the next thing you know his birthday & Thanksgiving will be here!  I love the Fall weather and pretty leaves... and the fact that it ends with my son's birthday just makes it all that much better!
  
• BABY #2.  Thought I might as well address that now since lots of people have asked me this.  Haha.  So no we are not currently trying for or hoping for another baby ;)  But yes we do want more kids.  Some days when I happen to see a newborn or when I realize how BIG Jackson is getting now, I can feel that baby fever start to creep up.  But then my common sense takes over and while we would welcome another baby if God decided we needed one now-- I would really like to wait a little longer.  Till Jackson is sleeping through the night would be nice for one, and also I think we need to be at least in a little better financial position than we are at the moment.  I'm not going to wait until we are debt free because honestly that's going to take us several years I'm sure.  But it would be good to wait until we are at least able to SAVE money for when I am off work-- because that's when we got into the most trouble with credit cards was when I was on maternity leave with Jackson.  So yeah I'd like to have enough saved up that it will cover my lack of income for at least 8 weeks.  But that being said we actually aren't doing a whole lot now to prevent pregnancy.  Despite breastfeeding, I still got my cycles back at 5 months postpartum (and I hadn't even started Jackson on solids yet at that time!  Lol I felt gipped!) I'm taking ovulation tests and we are trying to avoid my most fertile time (though my cycles are irregular now that I am nursing), and we are otherwise using a particular "method" that isn't exactly super effective.  So there is a chance I could get pregnant now but it's pretty low.  My original plan was to prevent until Jackson turns a year and then we would just not try but not prevent.  That's still the tentative plan but that may change.  I don't think we will be doing that whole "TTC" thing this time though.  We did that with Jackson and it took us a year to get pregnant and it was just stressful and such.  This time we plan to just quit preventing and then when it happens- it happens! 

Alright I think that's about it for this update!  Until later!